322 Haunted By
196 Haunting
Stacia

Stacia in Progress

Sparkling water fanatic. Lover of random crap. Goodreads member curious to see if the grass really is greener on the other side.

Currently reading

Dreams of Gods & Monsters
Laini Taylor
Still Life with Strings
L.H. Cosway
Rated YA-MA : Adults Who Read Young Adult Fiction
Rated YA-MA 2854 members
A group for adult lovers of Young Adult fiction. We feature a different type of book for each mon...

Books we've read

Vampire Academy Vampire Academy
by Richelle Mead
Start date: September 1, 2013

Eve and Adam Eve and Adam
by Michael Grant
Start date: August 1, 2013



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No. No. Nonononono.

Ivan  - Roxie Rivera

Adult review for erotic content. Someone stole my brain bleach and I want it back ASAP. I'm thinking one of my reviewer friends took it. You probably know who you are. Many of us seem to be in need of it lately. 

I'm pretty sure that Ivan wasn't trying to do a comic take on sexy time. At least, I don't think so. I'm also semi-sure that there was at least some semblance of a story to be found, although I couldn't seem to focus on it when this book was so short and overrun with bad sex. 

I picked Ivan because I was on a little bit of a mini-high after reading The Professional (cringe-worthy moments and all) and wasn't ready to let go of my hot Russian bodyguard fantasy just yet. 

If you thought I was a little too tough on The Professional, let me say this about my last reading experience : even with my nit-picking over terminology and character behavior, that book was leaps and bounds better than Ivan. Even with Professional's glaring hiccups, at least I enjoyed it enough to come up with several positives.

Ivan, you aren't going to get the same lenience.

Here's how a sexy book falls off the rails :

The instant we made contact an electric zing arced through me.Make no mistake. This isn't a paranormal book. There was no actual cause for electric shocks - unless Ivan was shuffling around the carpet in his socks, then I might understand.

He petted my bare pussy. Aww. I wonder if her cat gets cold in the winter.

He painted my entrance. I wonder if Ivan's a water color or acrylic man?

He ate me like a starving man. Hopefully, he didn't actually chew his food.

His tongue lashed my pussy. Damn, the elusive whip-tongue. I'm jealous.

Ivan's tongue stabbed into my wet pussy. Now his tongue is a sword? It's like he has a Swiss Army Knife full of surprises.

Our tongues dueled. Kissing should be pleasurable, not violent.

A split-second later, I felt the first hot splash of semen on my belly. We clutched and jerked in the chair as we shuddered in the grips of our shared climax. I was seriously imagining a seizure by this point. 

I highlighted a few sex scenes which read like a continuous chain of one description to another description, as in : he did this, then he did this, then he did this. Some of the scenes were completely wooden and unappealing because of the absolute lack of emotion.

Dimitri Belikov's (Vampire Academy) role as my number-one favorite protective guardian type is probably never going to be overturned, but I have to admit that I was hoping to find another hero who could come at least somewhat close. Ah well. I guess I'll have to wait around and visit Sevastyn again when The Professional: Part 2 comes out in order to get another hot Russian fix because I don't think I'll be picking up book 2 of this series.