Stacia in Progress

(Hotels have no thirteenth floor, hence I have no thirteenth chapter)I'm guessing there's at least one person who's reading this review that has never noticed most hotel elevators don't have a button for floor number 13.Dear Author, I had more fun reading your book than I have had reading memoirs from "actual" comedians. A trashy errr classy girl like me really vibes on your kind of humor. Please ignore the fact that I just reviewed a book for being too brash and crude. You, sir, are nothing of the sort. Your specific brand of humor may be too much for some, but I was dying over here in my little reading zone. Dying in a good way, that is. I'd say we should hang out but you want cash, not nipple slips. Dammit. I'm kind of short on cash at the moment.Talk about a great voice. Everything was told like it happened (and if there were embellishments, we'll never know). I appreciate that. Hell to the yes - this book was funny in the sort of way that only guys who have gone through crap and have come out on the other side can be. And don't forget helpful! Helpful + funny = good deal. What exactly is Head in Bed...whoops, I meant Heads in Beds about?This is an irreverent look at what exactly goes on behind the scenes in the hotel industry. And boy, does stuff go on...I found bondage gear still attached to the towel holder that had been ripped out of the wall, the prisoner escaped, I suppose, wandering the hallways in a ball gag.~I've seen footage of close-packed fistfights in a rising elevator (incredibly confined and extremely interesting to watch, especially if there are unrelated people along for the ride, backs pushed against the wall and hands protectively raised before their faces).~"Yeah, i'm in room 1205. I accidentally ordered a movie. Can you take it off the bill?""Certainly, sir."Over to the movie console to cancel (porn name removed because it might offend someone but it made me laugh hard) two minutes and seven seconds into playback. I guess the opening credits were sufficient.Worry not. The systems have changed, and we can no longer see the movie titles. I mean, we know that the new releases cost $12.95 and the sexual releases cost $14.95. We just no longer have access to your specific fetishes. Not that we judge you (LIE).There were celebrity antics aplenty :We had a few working class celebrities, nice guys like Tony Danza who stuck it out because the bellmen here weren't afraid to scream, "Ayo Toneee," when he would swagger into the lobby, and you could tell, Danza loved that shit.Tips? You want tips? Here's one : Don't drink from the in-room glasses.Certainly not all, but some of them were using furniture polish on the drinking glasses. Keeping those glasses clean "looking" was also part of the job. Do you see any dish soap on a housekeeping cart? So the next time you put a little tap water into the minibar glass and wonder to yourself why it has a pleasant lemon aftertaste, that's because you just took a shot of Pledge.I liked how each new story sort of came with its own built in tip for how to get what you want during your hotel stay. The glossaries at the end were also priceless. Loved this book and loved the PoV. Good luck in your future endeavors, Mr. Author."Don't forget where you came from, Tommy." I never have. Valet 4 Life, motherfuckers.This book was provided from the publisher through Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review.